Helper syndrome

Do you feel the endless desire to help people, help the community and perhaps the whole world?

Helping

In essence, there is nothing wrong with that. The world needs people who want to help, step in when necessary, relief suffering, etc. We are compassionate beings from our core. It’s only our conditioning that changes our actual behaviour. So far so good, helping each other is perfectly fine and an expression of who we are, interconnected beings of light and the helping is an expression of unconditional love.

But what happens when the help is conditional, and not coming from pure love (although we think that’s the case)? There is a condition to the help, very subtel, barely noticeable. I’ll tell you a personal story to illustrate what I call the Helpers syndrome

Personal story

When I look back on my adulthood, I can see various areas where my Helper Syndrome expressed itself. In my work it was my job to help customers when their copiers failed and needed maintenance. I remember doing often more then needed to get the machine going and satisfy the customer. I felt depressed by nasty remarks from users and did everything I could to get a compliment from either the customer, colleagues or my manager. Working my way up in the company, the situations changed, but essentially I needed some kind of confirmation I was good enough. Saying “no” was extremely difficult for me, also in my private life. There was always a level of pleasing and needing recognition of some kind. Off course there was also the level of unconditionally wanting to help, because that’s who I am.

Motivation

In all those years I never asked myself why I was always helping even when I forgot to help myself. It was most of the time others first. When I started to resolve some of my issues from my past, I noticed the misbalance in helping others and spending time for myself. In saying “Yes, I’ll help you” appeared a layer of frustration, anger towards myself and I started feeling depleted. I started to understand my motivation for helping others and as I was working through the layers I was able to let go of most of the conditional motivation in helping. A deep rooted cause was the lack of loving Self going back a long way in my life.

Feeling guilty

But what is that feeling when you want to chose for your Self? Guild?Feeling guilty that you choose for you in stead of for the other in the first place?

Loving Self

Unconditional love of Self and unconditional love of Others comes down to the same thing because of our interconnectiveness. In the world we live in, love of Self is the key to love of Others because of the illusion of separation. Through the wholeness of our Selves we are able to help others unconditionally. Maintaining our own wholeness is an act of unconditional loving our Selves. The understanding of this fundamental truth allows us to examen our own behaviour when helping others and purify our motivation and take care of Self.

Help your Self

Acknowledging you’re helping has conditions is a big first step. The essence of helping yourself is start feeling the conditions in helping others. These feelings can be the acces points for further delving into the root causes. It’s about reclaiming your own power. There are many pathways to walk. One of them might be Inner Child work, but please find your own path to wholeness.

In helping others without conditions you feel the deep energetic connection you have with others, the Earth and the Heavens. In the helping your Self, spending time with yourself, healing and nurturing, increasing your own vibrational frequency you are sending out a vibration of unconditional love causing a ripple effect for every living soul on this planet and beyond. Your biggest help is in the “I am”, being your true Self! 

Meditation

The attached meditation is from Steve Nobel (Engels), it can help you to choose for your Self. Empath-Rescuer meditation